the truth about diabetes.

yesterday, lots of my fellow type 1-ers (yup, just made that term up) were sharing this blog post by jen grieves. go ahead, click that link and go read her post. then come back. i'll wait.

you're back - how did you feel about what she said?

she made the most obvious and true statement about living with diabetes that i've ever read. which is saying a lot, since i've been living with it for almost 14 years.

That’s the thing with diabetes – it’s fine until it’s not fine. 

her statement couldn't be more accurate. it's fine. until it's not.

the majority of the time, i'm fine. no one really mentions my diabetes (except the occasional question about my dexcom or pump). the only time they do is when i say i'm low and they check to make sure i'm okay. it's mainly coworkers who are around me the majority of every day. they know that i have it under control and are understanding when i need to excuse myself to take care of a low (or a beeping pump/dexcom). my husband knows i've got it together, and there have been only a handful of times that i've had to ask him to bring me glucose tabs or juice.

luckily (knock on wood, and all those other luck things), i've never had a low quite as scary as jen's, but it's a fear that lives inside. i don't bring it up, i prefer to not think about it because i take pretty good care of myself, but when i'm not wearing my dexcom - which is also rare - i always have that fear when i go to bed. even if my blood sugar is a good number at bedtime, because YOU NEVER KNOW. diabetes is an evil jerk and can turn on you for absolutely no reason. it doesn't care if you've been holding steady at a number you really like ALL DAY LONG, it will flip the switch and drop you like that.

but when my blood sugars are in range and relatively good, i'm fine. no one even thinks about it or brings it up (that i know of. do you? two friends who are reading this? that's nice of you if you are!). until i'm too low. or until i'm too high [insert bitchy high mood]. and usually, i will tell you i'm fine. not to worry about me.

but, when i'm low. it's hard to explain why i'm not instantly okay right after i've eaten glucose tabs. it takes too much energy and brain power (hey guess what - THAT'S A REAL THING. being confused and not able to get it all together with my thoughts) to explain it. give me 15 minutes. it's hard to think 'i'll be fine in 15 minutes' when i'm shaking and sweaty and trying to force my brain to stay on track.

it's reality. a part of daily living. so if you ask, and i say i'm fine, it's true.

until i'm not.