so EVERY. NIGHT. this week, i have been low before bed. and of course my body waits til i am already IN bed, after checking blood sugar, getting ready for bed, laying there for a while and wanting to fall asleep. then it says, he guess what? feel that? yeah, you're probably low. you should probably check again. SUPER!
check it, low. correct, wait, check, go to sleep.
i have been up past midnight and sometimes 1 am all week. do you know how annoying that is? if you live with diabetes, yes, you do.
but of course, i have been waking up around 170 every morning. i will take this over the alternative of waking up incredibly low, but it's still frustrating and not the number i want to see.
i think it has something to do with me being more active this week, i haven't had much time to sit down. i'm not eating anything out of the norm, just not sitting on the couch all night every night.
good thing i have an endocrinologist appointment in a few weeks. time to see dr. awesome(late, because i had to reschedule my last appointment and i'm behind) again!! :)
i was cleaning and sorting through some things last night and found a bag of old supplies and papers. i have been hanging on to it for who knows what reason, and it's time to get rid of some old stuff. it's a glimpse of the beginning, when diabetes became a part of my world. (PUN ALERT! did you get it?? haha. i'm a nerd.)
here are a few highlights:
supplies from my first pump. (anyone know where i can donate these?)
totally don't remember getting this pamphlet. but i don't remember reading really any of the stuff i found.
my first meter! ahhh, i do remember checking my bg on this. but, barely. i remember random things, like sitting in the break room at my job three days after i was diagnosed and my manager sat with me while i checked my blood sugar and gave myself a shot before i ate lunch. random memories.
you might have to click these to read what they say. meal planning, the danger of DKA, learning to think like a pancreas (really?), hypoglycemia ... i don't recall reading these either. but they were printed in july of 2000. maybe my parents read them? maybe it was part of the information i absorbed but it was all such a blur i don't remember specifics.
ahh, the search for a pump. looks like something my dad might have printed ... different pumps that were available when i was choosing the one i would get. wow. they look so old school.
i remember getting these books. apparently i read the one on the left because i have highlighted sections. it's so funny how i wanted to make sure i remembered such basic things; now i can spout off everything i noted and so much more.
i guess at the time it was one of those things that i knew i would have to 'deal' with ... i didn't realize that it was going to be such a huge part of my life. that's what happens when you are crazy overwhelmed with a life change.
sometimes, when people learn that i have diabetes, or i meet people for the first time and it comes up, etc, the following conversation happens (and yes, it has happened to me multiple times):
person: oh wow. and you have to give yourself shots every day? me: well i use an insulin pump so not every day, but yes, every few days it's like getting a shot. and i check my blood sugar at least a few times a day. person: oh my gosh. i just don't know how you can do it. i couldn't do that. i wouldn't be able to. me: well, i have to. if you had to do it, you would. person: oh no, there's no way. i know i couldn't do it.
sigh. let me simplify it for you, person reading, who may be thinking the same thing.
i do it because i have to. if i don't, i'll die.
there it is for ya, in black and white.
I DO IT TO LIVE. i like living, i think it's pretty dandy and fun, and i don't want to go anywhere any time soon. so, again, i do it to LIVE. and if you think you couldn't do it if you had to, that makes me sad for you. i value my health and life enough that i will do what it takes to remain healthy and alive.
now that we're into the second week of the month, maybe i should post something, huh?
welcome to diabetes awareness month. and yes, i missed posting on the first ever type one day. but i wore blue. and i have a blue wrist band i'm wearing every day for november.
so, there's something that's been hanging around in my head for a week that stemmed from the full page, full color advertisement that JDRF ran in The New York Times and The Washington Post.
the ad caused a bit of a reaction, as you might expect. many people were angered by it, but some were not. i was one of those who were not angry. i realize it's a 'scare tactic' advertising style (what's up bachelor's degree in creative advertising), but the ad is the truth. and the truth hurts.
i've been having a hard time trying to wrap my head around all the different thoughts i've had about diabetes lately, and when this ad popped up in links on twitter and on facebook all week long, it made my brain hurt more because i couldn't figure out how to say everything i wanted to say.
and my exact thoughts as i was reading it were, 'yes, yes, exactly, i agree, i know how you feel, i think those things too, i don't tell my friends about that, uh huh, yes, crap i really need to get a CGM now and stop waiting...' and i immediately sent her a message and thanked her for putting my thoughts into a well written post. she saved me some time today. :)
so, instead of writing a post that sounds almost exactly the same as victoria's but not as eloquently spoken, i'd like to invite/ask you to go read her blog post. it's the truth. it's the things i don't often talk about. but it needs to be shared.