dblog week day 2: letter writing day

dear diabetes,

so, maybe we started out on the wrong foot. you came into my life, totally unexpected, right as i was about to start a new chapter in my life and move two hours away from home for college. maybe i was just a skinny little thing, but DAMN i did not expect that YOU were the cause. nor did my mom. or my dad. or anyone else. okay maybe my sister did but clearly we didn't listen to her. sorry 'bout that steph.

i really just wish you weren't such an asshole. i mean really. i can't just eat chips and queso til my heart's content without thinking about carbs, i can't have another piece of cake without taking more insulin, i can't have a day without pricking my fingers at least four times (and yes i tell everyone that it doesn't hurt, but sometimes, IT DOES.). usually i change my infusion sets without thinking about it, but some days, i really don't want to. i just don't feel like it. and i don't want to have to figure out where i'm going to put my pump every time i get dressed up. bra? waistband? do i need a leg holster? for real. i know, i don't have to use a pump. but i hate injections. that's worse. talk about less control for me. the pump is a must, if you're going to be around.

no, nice coworker, i can't have any delicious cookies that you made last night, my blood sugar is too high. no i can't have them later because once i get back in range, i don't want to risk being high again. ... hey, does anyone have a coke? can you go grab me one? or some juice? i'm really low. i'm out of glucose tabs. i'm shaky. my brain feels clouded, i'm getting really hot, i'm confused. DIABETES, YOU DO THIS TO ME. now i have a spot in my eye when i get low? that's a new symptom. i don't WANT new symptoms.

why do you have to be such a pain in the ass to everyone? and WHY do KIDS have to be affected by you? i felt like i 'made it out okay,' not having to deal with you til i was a young adult, but little kids. that's just MEAN. you're mean.

i do pretty well taking care of myself. in fact, thanks to the DOC (that exists no thanks to you ... well, actually, thanks to you. but not a nice thanks), i am taking better care of myself. but, do you know how much money you make us spend? A LOT. and guess what, not everyone makes a lot of money. so it's an expense that i don't really want OR NEED. but i have no choice. because i want to live a long, healthy, normal life, and that means i have to pay for medical supplies, prescriptions, glucose tabs, diet cokes ... oh wait, i would buy diet cokes anyway.

so diabetes, if i'm going to have to live with your annoying ass, the least you could do is cooperate. am i right? you could make my life a little easier by keeping your shit together. not making me ride a glucoaster (glucoaster: blood sugars up and down, up and down, all day long). keeping my numbers in range. not making me feel like crap. not causing complications. and not just for me, for EVERYONE who has to deal with you.

if you're going to stick around (until some fabulous researcher figures out a way to get rid of you), can you at least just play nice?

kthanksbye.

This post is part of the Second Annual D-Blog Week. Visit Karen's blog to check out all the participant's posts!