O.o

nurse: we'll just dilate your right eye.

...

eye doctor: your eye is perfect. i don't see anything.

me: [crickets]

dr.: it looks just like it did when you were here last month, there's nothing wrong.

me: so ... just ignore the spot i see?

him: yeah, basically.

uhhh ... victory?



and as my dad said, 'thank you for your co-pay.'

enjoy your weird eyes!

i'm not freaking out ...

so last night i noticed this 'spot' in the vision of my right eye. it's small, it looks like the little spot that is left after a camera flash goes off ... but it hasn't gone away.

i didn't think much of it last night, then i didn't really see it after i initially noticed it, but i definitely saw it when i was driving to work this morning. and then i started obsessing. i can see it really well right before i start blinking, so i sat at a red light blinking over and over like a nerd.

i called my ophthalmologist. the woman who answered was very nice, she said i need to get in today - and then it ended up that they have no openings today, and i requested to see my doctor, not someone else in the practice ... i feel more comfortable seeing him when i'm having an 'issue' because he knows my history.

i JUST saw him for my yearly appointment. everything was good. i hope that everything is still good and it's nothing major, but i mean, you know i'm a little nervous. that whole diabetes thing and eye issues, it's a little shit.

in the meantime,

I'M STAYING AWAY FROM GOOGLE!!

________________


sweatbetes update: bootcamp is getting easier! i felt great after last night, and i did all the stations without stopping for a break!! WOO HOO GETTING IN SHAPE!

[not really] wordless wednesday

i got this because my good friend briley said that the shots work faster than the tablets, so i have one to take to bootcamp with me just in case i need it. at lunch yesterday, i was looking at it (and taking off the seal, so i don't have an anger attack with low blood sugar) and we (work buddies and I) decided that anything that says 'great tasting' on the label is probably not great tasting.

i'll let you know.

bootcamp recap day five ... stations

the consistent thing about bootcamp is that we always do stations. we go through each one, 60 seconds each, then a second time for either 45 or 60 seconds.

last night we did them for 60 seconds each. twice. five stations in each area. some of them are a lot harder than others.

for example ... pulling the elastic band in a rowing motion is not hard for me. crossover squats, not hard for me. laying down to standing up (over and over for 60 seconds), not too bad.

however, sprinting and high knees, hard. it irritates the ankle a little, and the fact that i'm just getting back into shape ... kettle ball swings HURT after about 20 seconds. and man, some of the stuff we do i don't think will leave me trying to catch my breath, but it does. also, one leg jumps up onto a little step ... those were kinda hard for me too. made me feel kinda silly, i wouldn't think those would be as hard as they felt. well, the right ankle was a little harder, but i expected that.

image from thefitnessworkout.com

 they look easy? you go right ahead and do those for 60 seconds, k? 

all in all, i like it. i might not tell you i like it when i'm in the middle of all of it, but i feel great after. and i can't wait til the days that i can complete every station without having to stop for a few seconds to catch my breath or give my arms a break.

i'm a work in progress... :)

rhyme time!

last night @jessofmeandd mentioned me in a tweet.

i thought that was pretty sweet.

she wrote a blog post with lots of fun rhymes,

it reminded me of simpler times.

i wanted to write a fun rhyming post
does it make sense? eh, not the most.

rhymes are what the cool kids will use,
ya know, cool kids like @dream4muse.

making a rhyme doesn't take a whiz,
and it sure is fun to encorporate #BAMthereitis!

@stephiedichiara can always show you a good hashtag,
they give standard tweets some more swag!

oh yeah, in case you forgot, in 10 days @4thandLife i will see,
because for the derby, she'll be staying with me!

more rhymes will be coming, one from @mydiabeticheart. 
he is sure to show us how rhymes are an art.

@txtngmypancreas had a diaversary the other day,
and she wrote some rhymes (about CUPCAKES - YAY!)

tomorrow i'll get back to my sweatbetes updates,
ya know, talking about running and lifting weights.

i just wanted to start the week with some fun,
maybe some upcoming days will have SUN!

happy easter!

happy easter! i hope the easter bunny was good to you :)

sweatbetes bootcamp day three

well, i feel pretty good after day three.

last night, i did not feel pretty good. last night we did some exercises outside after our warm up, then ran AROUND THE BUILDING AND UP A HUGELY STEEP HILL. my ankle started bothering me towards the end, so i walked up the hill and jogged down. the trainer told me i didn't have to do the whole hill, but i am not half assing this. i was the last person, and i didn't care. i might have been slow, but i completed it.

i want to recap my blood sugar on these two days of 'real' classes.

wednesday, my pre-workout BG was 112. my post-workout BG was 78. i had set a temporary basal rate that was 50% of my regular basal rate. (educational moment: a basal rate is the amount of insulin my pump delivers every hour automatically, not the extra boluses of insulin i give myself when i eat or when i have high blood sugar). not bad! i ate after working out, so i avoided a low. WOOP WOOP!

so on thursday, i did the same thing. set my temp basal for 50% less than my regular rate. my pre-workout BG was 162. here's where it gets awesome. and by awesome i mean totally crappy and one of the many reasons diabetes is stupid.

after the workout i felt AWFUL. i felt like i was moving in slow motion, it took me so long to walk to my car. i thought it was that second day slump, where you feel worse but then start feeling better after that. my arms felt like weights, it hurt to move. when i checked my blood sugar, it was 48. 48 PEOPLE. i went from 162 to 48 IN AN HOUR. and i didn't 'feel' low! the day before my temp basal calculation worked perfectly! i was mad. i mean, i was glad when i felt better after my BG was back in normal range, but i was pissed that it was so low. why didn't the temp basal work? when i started HIGHER than the day before? was it because we did different exercises? because we ran more? because it was thursday? because the sky is blue? because i wore a purple shirt? WHO KNOWS?

welcome to the world of diabetes calculations.

and i suck at math.

sweatbetes bootcamp day two

i survived again, and I DID ALL OF IT!

quite a few people have asked me 'what's it like?' and 'are you going at 5 AM???' haha uhhh NO. there are places in town that only have morning bootcamps but thank sweet baby Jesus the place i go has evening sessions. or i would not be doing it.

what it's like ... well, i have only been to one 'real' class, but i have the gist of it so i'll explain what i know. i have been told there are two 'types' of classes, but no matter what class you go to, they are always different. last night was stations.

before we started the stations, we all went outside together and did some warm ups. not bad. and i made some new friends so i felt more comfortable. (ya know, i'm not shy, but i am reserved at first when i'm alone around a new group of people. i'm glad that didn't last long. everyone was VERY friendly) we did some jogging, skipping, leg stretches, basic stuff like that.

then we split in two groups (there were about 14 people there last night) and went inside to do stations. there are two rooms, and in each room there are six stations. you do a different exercise at each station, and the first time you are in the room you stay at the stations for 60 seconds, then move on to the next one.

a couple examples of stations are:

• laying on your back, holding a bar in the air, and lifting your legs straight up, then to the left and right and lowering your legs as far as you can without touching the ground ... my abs loved that one. 
• planks. lord. planks HURT. (or i'm just weak. it will get easier, yes?)
• then there were step ups, where you would step up on a block, push weights up over your head, and step back down. over and over. for 60 seconds.
• and there was a punching bag, and a treadmill (two separate stations)

once you complete a room, you go outside, down the stairs, run the length of the building and come back up and go in the other room. i am pretty sure the most painful part was coming back up the stairs. i thought my quads were going to burst into flames.

when you go to the other room, same thing. and in between each room we ran outside. the second time you did each room, you only did the stations for 45 seconds. it felt a lot shorter. weird.

the only time i felt like i was going to pass out was after planks and before the dreaded burpees. so i just took a few seconds, stood still, took some deep breaths and kept going at my own pace. and no one scolded me, didn't tell me to get going, the lead trainer just told me i was doing a good job, and to keep it up. that was encouraging, it made me want to keep going.

i think that's what i really enjoy, the trainers aren't like jillian. you know what i mean, they're NICE. there is no yelling. they tell you good job, they know your name, they are encouraging and they help you make adjustments if you're not doing it exactly right, etc.

i was proud of myself for doing everything. i might have been the last person jogging, but i completed everything we had to do. *proud moment*

i just might need to take a bigger water bottle next time.

and today, my legs hurt. but i can move. we'll see how i feel tomorrow. :)

wordless wednesday

site change day! 

am i the only one that thinks the humalog boxes are WAY too big?

i remember when they changed the size years ago. it makes no sense to me.

sweatbetes bootcamp day one

well, let me put it this way.

i'm out of shape.

like, really. really really. 

really.

the first class is an 'intro' class, where you get to meet one on one with an intern trainer (a college student that is going to school to be a personal trainer). the girl i was with was really nice, i told her about my ankle injury, diabetes, all those fun details.

so to start, she took my weight and body fat percentage. don'teventhinkaboutasking.

i felt like i was doing really well at first. we did some warm ups, easy stuff that totally left me out of breath that felt pretty good. i was all, hey hey look at me, i can skip, i can do knee lifts, i can kick my own butt while i run, i can swing my legs really high and i can do side lunges and grape vines. woop woop, I GOT THIS.

RIGHT.

then we moved on. and she said 'don't overdo it in the warm ups, because the work outs can get pretty intense.'

um, probably should have thought of that when i was showing off to her during warm ups. way to go me.

i was sweating my ass off (for real, parts of my body sweating that haven't felt sweat since 2010), doing everything she was explaining, she was telling me i was doing a good job ... until i did lunges with a kettle ball.

then i felt sick. not like, i need a drink of water and to take a couple deep breaths ... more like, i have to sit down and try to get rid of the 'i am going to vomit' feeling. it was not cool. i have never felt that way exercising before. does that mean i've been doing it wrong? or not pushing myself hard enough? or am i just THAT out of shape? i'm guessing the last one.

so she was showing me some exercises and having me watch, i tried a couple. like, in slow motion. then she asked if i could do 10 'burpees'. ...see also: go down into a squat, jump your legs out, do a pushup, pull your legs back in, and jump in the air. over. and over. ten. times. haha, that's cute. thinking i can do that. so silly.

my body was pissed at me after i did one. it was all, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? um, you failed when i was running. ankle, you twisted. and leg, you broke. this is your payback.

so instead she suggested we take a walk outside so i could get some fresh air. and she talked about taking my time and how the workouts will be different ... 'ya know, since you didn't really do a work out today, you just got winded.' uhh, this wasn't a workout? lord help me.

walking outside helped. then we did a few more exercises, took a lap around the building (walking instead of jogging today) and then stretches to cool down.

i felt embarrassed. i told her people think i'm 'in shape' because i don't look like i'm out of shape. she understood. she said don't get frustrated. she said don't feel bad. stick with it, you'll notice a difference in no time, you won't be out of breath walking up the stairs (yes, seriously people. from walking up TO THE SECOND FLOOR).don't feel bad because you have to sit out for a few minutes or go slower than the other people, it's not a contest. do what you can.

my 'post-bootcamp i lived to tell about it' face.
and my 'don't freak out, just keep going' poster.

so, i'll do that. and i'll be back tomorrow.

i've got the 'betes burnout.

yep, we get burnout sometimes. and i've got it.

and i'm pretty sure it's because i got bronchitis. and then i am pretty sure i had a sinus infection after that. and i'm STILL not over coughing, and my nose is all stuffy and i sound like a frog.

it feels like 80% of the time, my blood sugars are high when i test. and i get so annoyed and frustrated. and then it does the opposite of what it should do, i should want to correct and eat all the right things and go low-carb and exercise ... but what i do is eat not the greatest choices but take the right amount of carbs and then not care, and not want to check my blood sugar because i don't want to see a high number. and i try to do the right thing and not eat all the sweets that have magically appeared in our breakroom. and not get a treat because i know the reason i think i am craving one. because i'm TOO HIGH. stupid. annoying.

and i don't tell people about it because i don't want them to worry, or tell them they feel bad for me, etc etc. i just deal with it and move on. it is what it is.

sigh. i'm just over it right now. and i don't want to bitch about it, but shit. i'm over it! hopefully by getting it out of my system, i will break out of the funk and get my shit together.

wordless wednesday

 

am i the only one who gets PISSED at the tape and just rips the box of infusion sets?

needle anxiety.

over on twitter today, the topic of needle anxiety came up with a few DOC buddies.

some people probably don't know what this is, but i remember it all too well. it can be different for different people (oh gee, sounds like diabetes), as you can see above ... some people have it for certain 'types' of shots, some people had it before but don't know, some people didn't have it until they were diagnosed with diabetes ... and i'm sure there are people who have to take injections for other things (allergies, infertility, hormones, etc etc) who also have this.

but i have diabetes so i'll stick to that subject. basically needle anxiety (by my definition) is fearing the stick of the needle. the pain. i'm sure it varies. it's ALL MENTAL with me.

i went through about a year when my brain took a wrong turn in college and led me down this path of fearing the stick of the needle. i didn't even have to stick the needle in my skin since i had an injector so all i had to do was push two buttons and tah-dah, it 'shot' me.

well, i couldn't do it. something came over me and i was deathly afraid of the pain. i remember one time waiting almost an hour for my roommate to come home from class to do an infusion site change because i needed her to push the buttons for me. i would sit, tense, for that hour, stressing about what if she didn't come straight back to our room ... i would have to push the buttons myself!!

my heart rate would increase, my palms would be sweaty. and then of course, in the instances i HAD to do it myself, after sitting there for what seemed like hours and i finally would push the buttons, there would be no pain and i'd beat myself up over being so scared.

i remember when the fear went away. i was home from college one weekend, and i knew i had a site change coming on a saturday. i knew i would be home and then i could have my parents help. i planned it out. well then, they went out to dinner. and i hadn't asked them to help. so i was sitting at the kitchen table, sweating, taking deep breaths, and finally i told myself, 'THIS IS STUPID. IT DOESN'T HURT. YOU GO THROUGH THIS EVERY THREE DAYS.' and i just pushed the buttons and went on with life.

sometimes that fear acts like it is going to creep up again, and i squash it quickly.

but for a long time, i thought i was the only one with this fear. it's good to know that you're not alone!

things that make me think of the DOC

i did some errands after work yesterday, and one place i went was a great arts and crafts/home store ... and as you know, i live in louisville and you know what that means? IT'S DERBY SEASON!! so i spent some time looking at the gorgeous derby hats they have for sale (which of course start at like $200 for a good big one). if you're in the market for a hat, i know a great person to contact, who i've been friends with since i was about six.

this was my favorite. those who know me will be shocked that it is covered in peacock feathers. 

this store also has a section of home decor, and i saw a few things that reminded me of the DOC, so of course i took pictures to share.

i'm not sure if you have noticed, but many of us PWD love cupcakes. irony? obviously. 

there's also an ongoing discussion over on twitter about how much we all love CHEESE. (sorry, no link for you, but trust me, it comes up A LOT.) and there may have been a talk this week about someone and a mouse in their kitchen. just saying.

and of course, we always talk about the old go-to treat, chocolate.

oh yeah, and speaking of the derby ... there was a commercial on last night for thunder over louisville and the derby festival. this year's derby festival theme is 'derby superfest' and it's all about superheroes, etc, and they are using a lot of comic book animation in their advertising.

i obviously thought of a few people in particular when THIS appeared on my tv screen.

kids are smart.

this past weekend my family was at my sister's house for my nephew's ninth birthday. it was fabulous (minus getting bronchitis) and fun.

friday night, we had dinner at a little mexican restaurant. see also: delicious and one of my favorite foods.

as everyone was digging into the chips and salsa, i got my meter out to test and bolus. my niece was sitting next to me and was very interested. i don't remember her ever being REALLY interested before, but she was just very aware that night.

niece: what are you doing?
me: checking my blood sugar.
niece: oh, is it a good number or a low number like last time?
me: it's a good number.

ummm and let's take a moment. my niece is four. four going on 13, but she is four. and the last time i was around her was christmas. and she remembers that i had low blood sugar at some point during that week? i don't.

kids brains are like sponges. seriously.

ps. i am getting better. thanks to everyone who has been asking. :) the bronchitis is making its exit. don't let the door hit 'cha. 

wordless wednesday

medicines. bronchitis. blah.

bronchitis.

so yeah, i have that. there's not much more to it. i think i've had bronchitis once before this time. i forgot how much it sucked. i'm used to sinus infections, i can deal with those pretty easily.

but man, coughing hurts. especially when your chest hurts - ya know, like every time you breathe in ... luckily that's not happening as consistently now. and i took a long nap when i got home today and felt a little better when i woke up.

and my  blood sugars were hanging out in the high 100s and low 200s for like two days ... at least now i know why, and i think the medicine is really starting to kick in because i had a low blood sugar today. and i ate. like, i was hungry. score.

but now i can't stop sneezing! blah. at least my fever is down some. and my voice sounds GOOOOD.

and in case anyone was wondering, bronchitis is only contagious if you cough it on someone. (yes, i asked.) 

and YES i wore the mask in the waiting room at the doctor. i shoulda taken a picture of that. sexy.

photo flashback friday

 yes, he was born on easter.

my favorite nephew ever turned nine yesterday. NINE. that's almost two whole hands. where did that little chunk of love go?? nowhere, he just thinned out and grew to be almost as tall as me (yes, seriously, i don't want to talk about it).

happy birthday nephew :)